One morning, Pooh and Piglet were walking through the Hundred Acre Wood, when they spied a strange Creature lying on the ground. As they got closer, they could see that it looked a bit like a very large Boy. But what was most remarkable was that someone had tied it down with hundreds of tiny ropes. It could hardly move a finger, and there was even something tied over its mouth.
"Mmf!" said the creature in a loud but rather stifled voice.
"Oh Pooh!" said Piglet nervously. "Do you think it's a... a Heffalump?"
Pooh walked around it carefully.
"No," he said at last, "I don't think it's a Heffalump. I think it's a kind of Woozle, and it's playing Gulliverstravels."
"Mmf!" said the creature again.
"You see," said Pooh, "I was right. Well, if he is a Swift fan, I happen to have a little Hum, based on that well-known piece, A Modest Proposal, which I'm sure he will like."
He cleared his throat, and was just about to start Humming, when who should turn up but Christopher Robin and Rabbit.
"Look, Christopher Robin!" said Pooh. "We've found a Woozle, and we're playing Gulliverstravels!"
Christopher Robin looked at the creature on the ground.
"Silly old bear!" he said affectionately. "That's not a Woozle! That's a Hostile Reviewer. Rabbit, I don't suppose you might know how he got here?"
"Well," said Rabbit modestly, "it's possible that my friends and relations had something to do with it. They were rather tired of certain comments they had seen on Goodreads. But I think we could remove that gag at least."
The Reviewer did indeed seem very Hostile. He glared at them for a while, and then muttered something about "one star" and "pouring sugar down your throat".
"Oh yes!" said Pooh eagerly. "You're right! I've tried it many times, and the sugar just gets into the Tickliest Places. That's why I prefer Honey." And then he suddenly became very quiet, because he had had a Good Idea.
"We need to Do Something," said Rabbit, paying him no attention. "I have made a List of Suggestions." He took out a piece of paper.
"First, we could ask Tigger to Bounce him."
"Tigger doesn't always Follow Orders," said Christopher Robin.
"Second, we could roll him in Eeyore's Thistly Patch."
"It would spoil the thistles," said Christopher Robin.
"Third, we could ask Owl to write an Angry Comment."
"I'm not sure," said Christopher Robin, "that Owl's broadband connection is working after the recent Blustery Day."
"Fourth, we could play Poohsticks with him. I thought I would ask Pooh... now where is he? He was here a few minutes ago."
And indeed, Pooh was nowhere to be seen. But a moment later, they heard his voice, and then he came around a tree, carrying a large tray.
"Look!" said Pooh, rather out of breath. "It suddenly came to me. You melt the sugar, and dip biscuits in it, and then you wait for them to cool and spread them with honey and condensed milk. Kanga helped me. I'm calling it Hostile Reviewer's Breakfast."
"Ah yes!" said Christopher Robin. "That's what we're going to do!"
So they untied the reviewer, and they all sat down and ate Hostile Reviewer's Breakfast together until there was not a crumb left, and the Reviewer's review was covered in sticky stars. And everyone agreed that they had never eaten anything quite so delicious in all their lives.